You’re still trying to
Hit on me, creep? I hope your
Lips freeze together.
You’re still trying to
Cause when my coke come in, they gotta use the scale that they weigh the whales with.
Jada Kiss with an orca for .5 secs in his solo music video debut. Easily the greatest moment of the Ruff Ryders Era.
"When you looked at his text message and said aloud to yourself ‘NAWWWWW, nigga!! Fuck outta here!!!!’ you probably shouldn’t have gone on that second date with him."
It’s cold out? This sucks!
Cuz I can’t twerk in the streets
If I’m in long sleeves.
Flyer; I don’t go to all
white parties on boats.
Harass me; MC Lyte is
On in my headphones.
Since the premiere of the second season of VH1’s wildly popular Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta (yes. y’all, I know I’m behind on recapping— don’t worry, I got you!), I’ve been stewing my Joseline Hernandez (baby!) and K. Michelle ratchetry, but many in the Black community do not share in my excitement for the cast’s antics.
Recently VH1 has come under fire from those who say that Love and Hip Hop and reality shows like it are harmful in their depiction of women of color, with some going as far as drafting internet petitions to get companies to pull advertising or for VH1 to axe the shows altogether.
One of the loudest critics of the VH1 machine was Star Jones, who spoke out against violence on the show Basketball Wives, asserting, “We don’t have many options on television to watch brown women. And little girls deserve our very best.” I’m guessing Star hasn’t seen T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle ( a very popular Vh1 show starring a brown woman and her brown husband and beautiful brown family), or hasn’t seen Scandal, even though every black woman I know and her boyfriend pretending to hate it has. Besides, why should little brown girls be watching cable television during primetime? They should be off playing with their Kenya dolls or reading Little Bill, or, you know, sleeping. They deserve our very best? C’mon, Star. Was it your best little brown girls were getting when you hosted the reunion special of the (IMO, gloriously) ultraviolent reality show Bad Girls Club? Star, girl, have a seat.
Star Jones’ hypocrisy aside, criticizing reality television shows for their depiction of women of color is just fucking silly. In that same interview, Star says, “It struck me… young brown girls were watching this example of brown women on television and getting their self image.” What in the fuck is she talking about? Watching reality TV of any kind is not at all like looking in the mirror. Reality producers specifically recruit subjects that are so unusual, their lives are worth documenting and sharing with audiences who never encounter such characters in their normal lives. The women of VH1 do not live like every day black women. How many women are raising the children of a rapper? (Well, hmmm… lemme ask a different question.) How many are recently divorced from a Hall of Fame bound NBA player? Not many. I’ve seen the Knicks play the Lakers from midlevel seats, and I tweet inappropriate things at JR Smith (love you boo!) with some regularity. That’s probably about as close as my young black lady self will ever get to filming alongside the Basketball Wives. And I’d bet my too-cheap-for-floor-seats-and-too-lame-for-TV experience is more representative of women color than anything that nutty Jackie Christie has ever done. But even if the personalities on VH1’s shows more closely resembled the average woman of color, what obligation is there for those women to be anything other than themselves once on camera? The expectation that black women on reality TV will be model citizens because of their race is an unfair burden.
Where white television personalities are afforded the luxury of being individuals, brown ones are not. I’ve not seen any real push to remove the Real Housewives franchise from air, as no one can reasonably argue that Brandi Glanville or Teresa Giudice are representative of all white women poor or otherwise. They couldn’t possibly be— they are so different from one another! So if Brandi Glanville or Teresa Giudice get to be Brandi and Teresa, why can’t K. Michelle be K. Michelle and K. Michelle + Star Jones’s boring ideal of all of Black America?
All that’s to say is I can’t wait for K. Michelle to whoop Rasheeda’s ass.
Love and Hip Hop Atlanta returns April 22nd and I’m SUPER excited. My homegirl sent me the link to the supertrailer (above) and I had a few reactions:
Hi, Joseline Hernandez (Baby)!!! I missed you!
Bartenura Moscato? Really, Mona? You couldn’t even get Ciroc to sponsor this glorious trash?
Who is this new couple? Do I have to love this woman too? There’s only but so much room in my heart, and Joseline’s name is on the deed.
Mimi has a new boyfriend? Meh.
Stebie’s still trying to pitch his Big Love lifestyle. I guess there’s something to be said about a man that’s persistent.
Mimi’s mad Joseline called her a maid. But… isn’t she a maid?
It seems that Benzino has found neither a neck nor his dignity since season 1 wrapped. No worries, there’s still time.
A girl is degrading herself for some tracks from Stebie, but it doesn’t quite have that Joseline Hernandez flair.
Rasheeda’s still yelling at her husband? Oh.
She’s pregnant too? Ok. I mean, I guess.
Kirk’s demanding a paternity test because Rasheeda’s a rapper and rappers cheat? Come on, this show needs better writers. Mona, hire the writers put out of work when NBC canceled Passions. (It was glorious!! There was a witch and her doll she brought to life, Down Low brothers, an intersex person who got knocked up by his dad and of course, crazy, crazy Theresa. Get them writers on your team, Mona!)
Oh. The new girl is crying.
Shay’s terrible weave still has an attitude with Scrappy and he really doesn’t care. Me neither.
Does no one in Atlanta furnish their homes? What’s that you say? The mansions are rented for tapings and none of these people are actually well off? Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Momma Dee has completed her transformation into some hipster’s post modern interpretation of a blaxploitation supervillain. She is plotting the demise of Erica and Scrappy’s relationship while evilly stroking a too cute for this scene dog and sipping red wine from a wine glass with a straw. Perfect.
Does K. Michelle still hate Rasheeda? Well, from the way she threw that glass at Rasheeda’s head, I’m gonna guess yes.
Kirk is threatening K. Michelle on Rasheeda’s behalf, and for K. Michelle, there is a dearth of fucks given.
Wait. K. Michelle fights Mimi? This gon’ be good!
Erica tries to beat up Momma Dee. I wouldn’t do that if I were her. Momma Dee is Satan’s favorite sidechick.
"Lissen, Ah don’ tahk tuh de hewlp." But Joseline will sure beat the help’s ass.
Le sigh. Karlie Redd is still on this show.
And she’s still pretending that Benzino has a neck and that she loves it.
Joseline’s accent is virtually non-existent when she says, “BYE, BITCH!” Those speech classes were good for something, I guess.
"Where do you live?… Where do you live?… You know I can find you, right?" There are, without a doubt, 547,292,248,014,790 bodies in Stevie J’s basement.
I. CAN’T. WAIT.
Whenever domestic violence issues are discussed, people always say, “I don’t want to get involved. That’s a private issue.” Violence, in general and in particular against women, is not a private matter. Repeated attacks against a certain segment of the population are a matter of public health regardless of where those attacks take place. So fuck all that noise. Let’s call Jovan Belcher a murderer, and say Kasandra Perkins’ name aloud. In public. Because she is dead not just in the privacy of her home. She’s dead to the public too. Private issue my ass.